14th March 2012
Dear Mr Warren,
The Unstitute would like to inform you that your application form, which we retrieved from out the bins behind Costcutter, and which was only slightly covered in old bits of food and urine, was...err...alright, yeah. You are hereby constrained to undertake, as anArchitect-in-Chief, [coughs] the proposed deConstruction work, to take place at 74 – 80 Upper Tooting Road London SW17 7PB.
These works, as you are no doubt aware, are scheduled to take place immediately and without malice of forethought, today, 14th March 2012. Completion of said works is also scheduled for the same day, and if you don’t like it you can get stuffed, right?
Before you begin the excavations necessary for such work, we suggest that we have an open, transparent discussion as to exactly how many labourers will be required, how much they might cost if paid cash-in-hand, or whether the possibility might exist to have the work done at no cost if blackmail is used against them.
Please reply by return of post at the address listed above, or I’ll do something extremely nasty to you indeed.
Warm regards and many tongue-kisses,